TOOLS OF INFLUENCE IN MARRIAGE
Everybody goes into marriage with the desire for a certain kind of achievement ; a desire for the fulfillment of a dream of some sort; with certain kinds of expectations.
As a Christian, I believe in the scriptures. And the scriptures say a woman's desire shall be unto her husband, which means a woman shall live by the dreams, visions, aspirations, and dictates of her husband. This is supposed to settle the issue of influence in marriage. But I don't want to base my argument on this premise, as many may tag me a male chauvinist, more so that some men may abuse this assertion.
A woman actually has her place in marriage. She should have a voice, and should be able to make some kind of influence. But unfortunately, many women get things done using the wrong tools to influence their man; to have what they want; to have their way.
They employ the tools of,
1.threat,
2.blackmail,
3.exaction,
4.manipulation,
5.intimidation.
These are negative tools to get things done in the home front. The woman may have her way using these tools. And the man may just be tagging along for peace to reign, but the end result is disaster.
Using these tools is particularly practicable in a home front where the woman is better advantaged, either by way of better education or better financial standing (especially the latter). And sometimes, better social status.
Thus, the man is controlled and led on in his own marriage. This is not right. Any man that allows this, by whatever reason, be it a disadvantaged status, or whatever, is not pleasing his maker and may never fulfill purpose and destiny. The man has been asked to command his household as seen in God's instruction to Abraham.
Genesis 18:19,
“For I have known him, in order that he may command his children and his household after him, that they keep the way of the Lord, to do righteousness and justice, that the Lord may bring to Abraham what He has spoken to him.”(NKJV).
A wise woman must not employ the aforementioned tools if she wants a successful marriage. For a successful marriage, a wise woman must employ the tools of,
1. Emotional intelligence; understanding and managing your man's emotions,
2. Prayers. Prayer changes things,
3. Patience. “…be patient in tribulation…” for it’s a trying time in your marital destiny. There are good times, and there are bad and ugly times in marriage.
But the question now is what happens if the woman chooses to do otherwise. What if she chooses to be overbearing and manipulative? Will you, as a man, allow things to run to your utter chagrin?
“Let her just have her way for peace to reign.” You may resolve. But If you do this as a man, especially because you are financially disadvantaged, you would be led on in your marital journey. You would not fulfill purpose, you would not please your maker because you are not doing the Lord’s bidding; commanding your household.
To fight, beat, quarrel with, disparage her in order to put her where she belongs, is not a better option either.
So what do you do as a man? You must imbibe these tools while trying to straighten things up,
1. Patience,
2. Long suffering; bearing things up, standing your ground, not necessarily allowing things to run at your detriment (as if you are not there), or applying the tool of exaction
3. Prayers. Prayer changes things.
4. Be firm on your convictions
5. Be convincing
6. Be considerate
7. Be loving. A loving husband wins all marital battles. Love may make it look as if you don’t know what you are doing, but you sure know what you are doing.
Osasuyi Omoragbon,
January 2023
You must be logged in to post a comment.